white wine, summertime.

a girl mentioned me on the internet and now I've had the itch to write something in this blog. why did she ask about me? what could I possibly have to say? i've had an outline for a novel in my head for three years now and the real conviction that it would be terrible crap. if you want to read something good read Jenny Offil's department of speculation. don't read this blog. please.

this post will be a rant like from 2005. this is what my computer screen looked like today:

I took a screenshot to remind myself how far I've come. to think about what revile and disgust might have sprung forth from me just 5 or 6 years ago. I know that revile is not a noun. I pay attention to the words and use them intentionally. even with a huge glass of white wine at my side.

my hair puffs out in every direction and I use the internet to figure out how everyone else is wearing it. my belt matches my shoes and my shoes are buffed out every morning before i put them on. hours and hours and hours in front of an excel spreadsheet, those same shoes tapping insanely beneath my chair. how many hours have I spent in front of an excel spreadsheet - I haven't had this job for even two months. what is a life where you sit in front of an excel spreadsheet. what is a life.

the problem with having a worldview in which you believe everything is meaningless is that, sometimes, everything in your life seems to be meaningless. mostly it works for me but for those short sometimes it really doesn't.

I also want to write something about running but I don't think this is the time. What We Blog About When We Blog About Running (ft. Selfies of Me Drinking Toasted Head on a Thursday)

goodnight. 9hours+ or you're nothing.