a woman at my office

a woman at my office lost her mind today
she literally lost her mind
and she shit, she shit onto everything
the copier, the espresso machine
the filing cabinet where we keep old blueprints

i’ve never seen so much shit come out of one person
she must have eaten a lot of food

she called me from the front desk and left a voicemail
“Thomas you have a package up here AND ITS SO FUCKING HEAVY THAT I CANNOT EVEN LIFT IT”
and then the phone slammed down

the next thing I heard:
heinous screeching in the hallway behind me

she had a fistful of concrete submittals
poop just streaming down her legs

i turned to the guy at the desk next to me
Robert
and i'm like:

"oh damn, this bitch is going off
she leakin' like a fire hydrant"

and he's like:

"i know exactly what you mean
we have a meeting in 15 minutes
to review those budget allowances"

_

some project managers were desperately searching for a tranquilizer gun
opening drawers, rifling

others were crouched beneath their desks
answering emails on their phones
waiting for this all to blow over


atm1