compersion

my roommate wanted to go mushroom hunting. "there's this really good place in lake county" she said. "it's only an hour drive"

i didn't want to go but i didn't want to be alone either and so we loaded some things into her car: a basket, a small spade, a few sandwiches and drinks.

she liked to talk a lot, so i asked her to turn on the radio. the day was grey and motionless. "perfect for mushroom hunting" she said

she knew i was sad. to cheer me up, she told me about the sex she and her boyfriend were having. "he ties this little rope around his thing and then does me like that. it's almost purple by the end"

i ask her to stop but really i'm half-aroused in the passenger seat. as we climb into the mountains the radio reception gets weak.

when i was younger my father killed a man with his car. it wasn't my father's fault; the man had been drunk and stumbled from behind a tree. several eyewitnesses had confirmed this. but still, my father was very different afterwards. much more quiet. i think about someone stumbling into the road right now and how that might effect my roommate.

we pulled up to the spot, a small turnoff on a small road. "are you ready?" she asked me

you could see the path where others had tramped into the forest. the ground was soft and hollow. "we have to go away from the footsteps" she said. "where people haven't been already"

i looked around and saw a soft shine of green along everything. dew hanging to the bottoms of the leaves. i longed almost painfully for my bedroom, to be stuffed under those sheets and blankets, head completely covered. feeling the heat of my own breath, letting nothing in.