shoulder

i do things until they become hard and then i stop

i quit running because i couldn't stand to fail
because i knew i didn't have it
because of that one time in the forest when Ryan Kaiser,
in the rawest moment of physical endurance no talking no hype no bullshit,
swallowed me alive.

i used to have a girlfriend
she was an attorney
she was beautiful and she had a sexy butt too
she supported me and cared about me and we loved the same things
but i couldn't keep her because
i liked the mirror too much.

i front, flex, and peacock around my friends
trying to assert myself on the people that love me
never getting closer because
i don't make them feel safe.

people keep saying this over and over
i don't make them feel safe
i treat people like resources instead of human beings.

i talk so much about doing and being
about living without fear
but then i spend all night refreshing my facebook
refreshing my own blog.

the same mistakes over and over and over
never growing
i'm almost certain that i'm not good enough
that i wont reach much higher than this



-
but this is all part of the story i'm telling myself
my self is my primary audience.

atm1