thought 1:
it's a lie when i say i'm motivated by love
i am not now and i never have been
i'm motivated by hate and violence and darkness
i'm obsessed with it, i seek it out
pain, hurt, negativity
nothing pushes me more
___________
thought 2:
i spend my whole life trying to hold my self back
the dirty, nasty self
the self that will cut his friends, who will treat his lovers badly
who cheats, steals, thinks of himself first and only
it takes so much energy
it's only a matter of time before my vigilance slips
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