my big trip

i left seattle today around 5pm. er wait, yesterday. that was technically one full day ago because now i'm in dubai.

the world is very small. on the way to the airport my uber driver told me all about the flight, he takes it every year. emirates flies north because it doesn't have rights to usa airspace but also because it's faster that way, to cut across longitudes up north near the pole. the planes are cold but they give you blankets. waiting to board, i hopped from one foot to another trying to circulate blood. the word embolism keeps occurring but i can't remember why. thrombosis. all i know is that it's important to stand up and walk around during the flight.

i'm in the aisle seat and there's a couple sitting next to me. young, professional class, ethnically ambiguous. while they're stowing their bags, i can't help but notice that the girl - while just pretty - has an incredible 10/10 body. yoga pants and a flowing shirt, one of those very-strappy-in-the-back sports bras. i smiled to myself until ten seconds of conversation revealed that they were both socially awkward, almost cripplingly so, and wouldn't make great travel friends.

what's the relationship between when you become beautiful and how your personality evolves? too early and you're spoiled, things have come too easy. too late and this happens. silent and in a black dress, she wouldn't have looked out of place at an awards dinner. but here she could barely stammer through her own story, made eye contact in half-second flits and then back to the floor. you could just tell that this had happened to her recently. the beauty i mean. poor girl. i'm certain i'm being too harsh on her. she could have anything but she doesn't quite know it.

i refuse to watch the little airplane tvs because tv rots your brain. because pain and discomfort aren't something to be looked away from. i prefer to study the boredom, to stare aimlessly. i, um, somehow have decided that this makes me a better person or something. on the path to artisthood. i read john williams' stoner until it gets too dark to read. then i write in my journal. then i start drinking heineken.

hours earlier, pulling away from xxxxxxx at the curb. i could physically feel the pain in my heart. it feels insane to have one single person who means so much to me. it feels vulnerable. i was told to be vulnerable, that that was the path to real love, and now here we are. leaving into a month of blank adventure but with my heart in my mouth, eyes stuck with tears for the girl i left behind. the one who could walk away at any minute. who could get hit by a car or something. i would become a puddle of meaningless goo.

anyways, yeah. trip is going great so far. gonna try to sleep in a corner somewhere, my flight doesn't board for 6 hours.

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