lucid

it was 2009 when i first started dreaming seriously. what began as curiosity slowly built into obsession. i kept a journal, did the exercises, and with time my dreams began to change. i remembered more and more each night and their tenor began to shift -, the dreams became more powerful and interesting, visually intense, a different kind of experience than the one i was used to.

soon i began to enjoy being asleep more than being awake. i preferred the world that i found there - sleeping 9, 10, 11 hours each night, sometimes more. sleeping and dreaming. this was my first interaction with depression, though i didn't realize it then. i was 19 years old. for almost two months i leaned into my new "hobby" and while my normal life kept moving - going to my job, meeting new people - i wasn't completely there and i wasn't sure why.

back then, my good friend described depression as "like getting a cold, except for your brain. it just happens sometimes, it happens to everyone" i'm 30 years old now and i've been depressed for 8 months. i feel bad doing ordinary things, things that should be making me happy but aren't. i'm walking around blinking and confused. it just occurred to me to start keeping a dream journal again.

atm1