a short story about my tinder profile

story idea: flip through each photo in your tinder profile and ask a few questions about why it's there

picture 1: squinting with hat and beard and Zero sweatshirt on
why?
because i want people to know i'm a little bit edgy and run-down
why?
because i believe that the people who are attracted to that sort of thing have low self-esteem and will have low expectations from me
and why would you want to attract someone like that?
because i don't think i can engage with anyone seriously my heart isn't open for business
and why not?
seriously let's not go there

picture 2: highball bouldering photo, feet swinging
why?
because i'm clearly athletic. and unafraid. and deep in the Real Wilderness there's barely even any chalk on the boulder
why?
because i want people to think i can take them away, like knowing me could be some big adventure. i know they hate their lives and i know they're wanting more
why?
this life beats us to death with its mundane repetitions, we're all constantly begging for something to take us away

picture 3: laughing with my friend pat
why?
i clearly look hot in this photo
why?
we're having fun and enjoying life! people are attracted to someone who's psyched and happy
and why is that?
i mean, aren't we on some kind of boat or something? where even are we in this photo?

picture 4: laughing with my friend john
holy fuck look how much this guy laughs!
why?
he must be having a good time on this earth! he seems so goddamn happy!

picture 5: smoking a joint on a crash pad
why?
literally why is this photo here. a very good question
why?
i'm not sure what it says about me but it's kind of dirty looking almost. i'm not wearing any shoes, but not in a hot way
why?

picture 6: obligatory shirtless bouldering photo
why?
clearly i'm funny but also fucking ripped. but not in a self-conscious or vain way
why?
because i'm not even facing the camera. because i'm clearly engaged in an act that i love
why does your back look like that?
i know it's weird right

picture 7: b&w picture with grandma
why did you put this here?
because i think it makes me seem soft and cute and gentle
why?
because ultimately that's what i am
how come?
because i was raised by this woman. and another woman just as sweet. because i've been shown tenderness my whole life and that's so much a part of who i am. i'm hoping to meet someone who can give me more of that, really and truly
oh.

atm1